Kat

I was sitting in my drawing room with my friend Carlos at the time and we were both smoking
cigarettes.
‘Carlos, I’ve just had the most desperate epiphany…’ I said to him.
‘And what’s that…?’ he replied.
‘That I should intend to pass the rest of this summer as a true bon vivant; making love to beautiful
women, drinking fine wine and making fine paintings’
I got up from my chair and went over to the sideboard and made Carlos and I two whiskey’s on the
rocks. I placed Carlos’ in his hand, then returned to my seat with mine.
‘…Yes, yes’ I went on, ‘…I think we should fly to Berlin at once my dear’
‘What with the business with the wall still up and all…?’
‘Yes, Berlin, there’s no finer way to do things. It’s what…?’, I took my little planner out from the pocket
of my blazer and checked the date in it, ‘…the 12 th now? If we hurry we might still be able to make the
last of the summer’
Carlos scoffed at this.
‘Oh, come now.
…What, so you mean to say you won’t come?’
‘Berlin, with the wall, in the freezing fall?
Count me out, that does not sound like my idea of good time at all’
‘…well, what about South America then and blow and fiestas, and beautiful bronze skinned beauties…?’
‘Tft’
‘…Well, Hong Kong then and asian girls and opium?’
‘…Hong Kong’ Carlos took a sip from his whiskey, ‘is fine’
‘…Yes, yes, I think this is very good my dear… Hong Kong. Hong Kong. Yes. And whilst we’re in that neck
of the woods, I might be able to rustle up some business with an old ladyboy friend in Chiang Rai,
moving some blow about from here to there.
And, well, truth be told, it should be nice to spend a bit of time out of the city, away from all this, with
you my dear’
‘Ah’
‘...and if we manage to rake in enough from the blow perhaps we could then head on down to
Cambodia and shoot a cow for fun’
Carlos raised an eyebrow at me.
‘What?’ I asked him.
‘What are you, 12?’
I shrugged.
‘…Alright, well, the hell with it, why not?’
It only took Carlos and I a couple of days to get the tickets to Shenzen organized. The Chinese women
were even more beautiful than I’d remembered them, and one evening an old Chinese businessman
friend that I knew of from my days before the war, arranged to have three of his finest escorts waiting in
my room for me upon my return. The love making that ensued was to be some of the most passionate
and beguiling of my life.
After however long, Carlos and I made our way on down to Chiang Rai. We had a fairly good run of it
with the blow for a couple of weeks before we had to get out as things were getting rather hairy. We
then went on to Siem Reap where, for better or worse, we shot the cow with a rocket propelled
grenade.

A few days afterwards I found myself seated in the billiard room of the suite I was then sharing with
Carlos in Southern Cambodia. We were both smoking our pipes and drinking some whiskies over ice.
I dinged the ice around a little in my glass then looked over at Carlos and said to him, ‘I feel as if I need
to get back into the writing again my boy’
‘Mm’ he replied.
‘I just, I feel as if something is lacking in me. Shooting that cow in Siem Reap…
That was a bad trip wasn’t it?’
Carlos shrugged at this.
I took another sip from my whiskey, it was a rather floral smoky affair, with notes of jasmine, vanilla,
apricot and ginger in it, which our Chinese businessman friend, Mr. Yang Chen, had bought us as a
parting gift on our last evening in Shenzhen, and I then slightly adjusted my tweed herringbone bowtie,
and my matching pocket square.
‘All these fine clothes and living and we go and do something like that…’ I said, ‘Like a pair of
degenerates… I suppose, I do eat beef but in that it’s died for a purpose not just for some, lark’ I took
another sip from the whiskey, savouring the flavour a little in my mouth before swallowing it, then went
on, ‘I think, I think I should like to return to the writing, and the painting too my dear, something to get
me out of my head somehow, cast some sort of, meaning, to it all perhaps’
‘To shooting the cow?’
‘Sure. Maybe. Yes. No. Wait what was the question?’
I heard a slight sigh, and noticed again the naked young woman who was asleep on the billiard table
before us. I glanced over at her then said to Carlos, ‘ah christ, that’s right isn’t it?
We were, quite high last night, weren’t we?’
‘Yes’
‘…So, what should we do about the broad?’
‘Well, did you still want to take in that cockfight later today?’ 
‘Oh shit, it’s Saturday; that’s today isn’t it…?
…Well, perhaps she’d care to join us’
‘…wasn’t she a vegetarian?’
‘No, that was the other one—with, with the pigtails and the breasts’ 
‘Oh, oh yes, that’s right— wasn’t it?’
‘Should I, wake her or, do you want to, or…?’
‘Well, if we are to go to this cock fight, we should probably shove off rather soon. And how is the’ Carlos
tapped his nose, ‘opium situation?’
I looked around in my blazer pockets. The coarse brown bit of paper the opium had been in was then
entirely empty. ‘…We smoked it all last night, unfortunately, it seems’
‘Oh, oh yes, that’d be right. Alright then’
‘Well...’ Carlos then began to mime himself playing scissors paper rock.
‘Draw on four ok? …On the fourth count’
‘Alright, on the fourth count’
We played and both drew paper, then both rock, then on the third try, my scissors beat Carlos’ paper.
‘Damn’ he said.
‘Well that’s you old boy’
Carlos groaned then got up, approached the girl, and gently shook her by the shoulder.
‘Mm…’ she groaned.
‘Morning, my dear, it was Caitlin right?’
‘…Katherine—you should remember that, after... And well, everyone just calls me Kat. And… Christ, how
drunk were we, and the… too’

‘Yeah. Sorry. How did you end up on there, there’s more than one sofa in this suite’
‘You don’t…’
‘Vaguely… Oh, oh yes. Well, listen, Kat, I can’t imagine it’s too comfortable up there’
‘Well, on this much dope, I could sleep on a rock’
‘…Rather, but, well, I don’t mean to rush you, it’s just, Max and I were just about to go shove off and
catch a cockfight. I don’t suppose that might be something you might—‘
‘A cockfight?’
‘Yes, that’s right’
‘Not a bullfight then or between two boxers…?’
‘No, not a bullfight in this part of the world my dear’
‘Well I don’t know.
…What’s the time?’
Carlos took out his pocket watch clicked it open then said, ‘still rather early, 2pm’
‘…Ha…
…Alright, alright, I’ll come, just give me a second, to, get dressed and all, alright?’
‘Ok’
I watched as Carlos’ gently stroked Kat’s bare hip.
A shortwhile later that afternoon as we were all leaving the hotel together, the receptionist there told
Carlos that she had a call for him.
Carlos returned the call, and I half-listened as he said to the caller on the other end of the line, ‘…listen,
you’re of no use to me if Seim Reap is your idea of a small town—ok?
…No.
…No.
…Well look, what do you expect me to do about it?
…Ok
…Well, were going to take in a bird fight later today, why don’t you come, meet us there and we can talk
more about it then, alright? I’ll buy you a beer.
...Alright.
…Alright.
…Fine, I’m sorry. Goodbye’
After Carlos had disconnected the call I said to him, ‘Well, who was that? What was all that about?’
‘She was the vegetarian’
‘Oh’
As we all walked out of the hotel Kat said to us, ‘I’m still not so sure how I feel about this cockfighting
business’
‘Oh?’ I replied.
‘I mean, what if it’s wrong?’
‘Well, who gives a shit? What are you 12?’
‘Hmm’
‘Who wants to be a pillar of virtue anyhow?’
‘I once pushed another girl into a lake when I was a child for no good reason’
‘See, and how did that that make you feel?’
‘I don’t know, she was just, standing right on the bank of the lake in this park or whatever and wearing

this really nice dress and I thought to myself, ‘we’ll see about that’ and… Whoosh!’ Kat mimed herself
pushing the girl into the lake here, ‘I don’t know man, it was long ago.
But then again that child in me who pushed that girl into the lake, she might do it again, I should think.
There’s something somewhat strange about the adult world at times’
‘I agree. When did we stop being apes? Wild dogs? Children?’
‘…But, and then there’s this other part of me that says, wait, Katherine, a cock fight, really?
Are you sure this might not be a bridge too far?’
We’d came out of the hotel by then and as we stood around outside and I lit myself a cigarette, and
Carlos followed my lead.
‘Cigarette?’ I then asked Kat.
‘Oh, ok’ she replied, and I offered her one, then lit it for her.
And I watched as she took a few pulls on her cigarette and she looked very beautiful.
‘…So you’ve been to one of these things before?’ Kat asked me.
‘What’s that, a cockfight?’
‘Yeah’
‘Once or twice, I’m not a big aficionado just, well, I like Picasso and you know how he would go to see
the bullfights and make those big stunning wild paintings of them, the twisted steers and horses and
picadors and… I haven’t painted, or sketched a cockfight yet but, maybe one day…’
‘Mm’
‘I mean, look at it this way right? It’s part of their culture, bullfighting the spainards, cockfighting the
south east asians…’
‘Yeah, well, if you want to have that conversation, then gladiator fighting was part of the Roman’s’
‘Mm. I see what you’re getting at’
‘And canabalism some of the islanders’
We laughed a little at this, and I caught Kat’s eye for a moment and we shared a smile.
‘…Yeah, yeah, but… Well, look at it this way then, alright; if we weren’t to go to this thing today, ok?
And were just to go, say, have a couple of quick ones in the hotel bar instead, well, the fight would still
take place’
‘Mm… Well, will there be razors attached to the bird’s feet?’
‘No, no, not here’ Carlos put in, ‘perhaps at bird fights in the Philipines, Indonesia, out on the islands,
say’
‘And do you have your paints with you, in your room?’ Kat then asked me.
‘They’re back in the room. I can’t… I’m too drained right now’
‘Yeah…’
‘This life, has just, a way of sapping all the energy out of a chap at times’
‘Yeah… Makes sense.
Where are you from again?’
‘Paris, but, I grew up in the US’
‘And you Carlos?’
‘Spain’
‘Where abouts in Spain?’
‘Malaga’
‘And how did you two meet again?’
‘We were doing some business together in the states’ Carlos replied.
‘Oh, intriguing… What sort of business?’
‘Ugh, please, dear, don’t make us talk about work’
Kat looked at me.

‘Well, what… It’s just… Ask me more about the cockfighting instead’
‘What are you two like arms traders, drug traffickers or something then?’
‘Katherine please….’
‘Ok, so, no razors?’
‘No’
‘And can you bet on the fights?’
‘Of course. That’s half the fun—more.
Alright, ok so, one bird, will have blue tags around his ankles and the other, usually red.
And the fights, they only really take place on the weekend, or, to my understanding, at any rate.
And…
…Well to level with you, even without the razors, the fighting is still fairly brutal and distressing,
especially for the birds, I imagine’
‘Makes sense’
‘Like, ok, so they’ll have ribbons of bare cut open skin amongst their feathers, sometimes entirely open
chests or thighs, and—sometimes a bird will try to flap himself out of the ring— ok so imagine a little
below waist high octaganal, or whatever, wooden structure— only to be thrown back in by one of the
crowd of onlookers.
I mean, it’s a blood sport, right, but I guess, it’ll take place either way, and it’s like, it’s not like it’s two
men that are fighting each other to the death, they’re not dogs or horses—but—I mean, it’s in these
people’s culture, you can’t stop them from, trying to gamble, make a bit of money on the weekend after
their hard weeks of work, it wouldn’t be right.
…Well, that’s it from the man’s angle, as for the birds…
It’s probably quite distressing for them, sure, but distressing as when you’re a soldier, no words in it
ultimately I suppose, if roosters even have them, just kill the other bird or die, and that’s all they’d
know. It is what it is. Nature is violent, animals are violent. Lincoln spoke of the better angels of our
being. Who’s to say? There’s a lot of different people doing a lot of different things. One would hope
that it is ultimately possible tho for one to be simple and peaceful with himself and others.
…Look, if you don’t want to go we don’t have to go, we could just as easily go and have a walk along the
river, or take a few quick ones in the hotel bar, or make a painting or, I would’ve said got high but… Tant
pis…’
‘…Will you two bet today?’
‘On a round or two, I should think so, yeah’
‘How much?’
‘I don’t know, the bookies at these places, usually don’t have the sort of cash to put away too large a
bet, so maybe just a few small ones of say about 20, 30 or so, to make it a little more lively is all’
‘…I think I should like to place a bet too. But… my pocketbook’s still in the room, I think’
‘Well, the key’s at reception’
‘Will they let me grab it?’
‘Should think so, they saw us all come down together. Any hassles, come back and grab us. But I’ll just
light myself another cigarette for now, if you don’t mind’
‘Ok.
…And good luck!’
‘Thanks man’
After Kat had gone back inside I said to Carlos, ‘Hell of a girl’
‘Mm’
‘You don’t feel like we’re corrupting her too much by drawing her into all this…?’
‘I think it’s a dirty business. Really there is no dirtier business than that from blood’

‘…Yeah, I mean, you heard what I said about the local workers and tuktuk drivers and…’
‘Please save all that flitty shit for when the girl comes back’
‘Fair enough’
When Kat came back downstairs I said to her, ‘I’m afraid there’s only one bike so we might have to go
family style on her’
‘Your dream’
‘Tft’
I drove the bike, and Kat sat behind me on it, with Carlos behind her. As we made our way to where the
fight was taking place, the surrounding landscape was very verdant and bucolic and there were
limestone mountains in the distance. And I was much enjoying the handling of the bike rather a lot too.
And I listened to her revving as I drove.
After driving on for a bit, I caught Kat say from behind me, ‘Hey, do you guys want to hear something
dumb?’
‘What’s up?’ I replied.
‘…Ok, so, when I was a little kid back in New Zealand, all of the houses on the street I lived on, Number 9
Ewie Street, Naio, were listed, save for the one at number six; there simply, wasn’t a number six house
on Ewie Street’
‘Huh. Go on’
‘And anyway, so my father would always tell me that a witch lived there; a witch in some invisible
magical house that could travel between dimensions or something; the number six witch…
The number six witch’
‘That’s cute. What made you think of that?’
‘I don’t know just, looking at the landscape, watching the little houses roll by, letting my thoughts roll’
‘Yeah’
‘I’ve got others too, if you’d like to hear them?’
‘Other what?’
‘…Memories from New Zealand’
‘Ok, sure, let’s hear ‘em’
‘Well, I remember the Fiejoa vine at the bottom of the garden and— have you ever tasted a fiejoa
before?’
‘No, not yet. What are they like?’
‘Tangy, yet sweet. I don’t know. It’s hard to describe if you’ve never had one’
‘Yeah’
‘…And I remember we had this little sheep named Arthur too and… It’s all rather foggy elsewise; we
would’ve moved when I would’ve been about six or so, back to England, where my parents, or at least
one of them now, is from, as the other’s dead, and, they’d only really moved out to New Zealand where
I was born, for a job for my late father, which didn’t pan out, then we were all back on a flight back to
Leicester—or back for them, for the first time for me…
…It’s so long ago now, I can barely remember it’
‘Yeah’
We drove on in silence for a bit until I passed a dead kitten missing a segment of one of its rear legs in
the middle of the road.
‘Shit’ I said, ‘did you see that?’
‘What’s that?’ Kat asked.

‘Dead kitten. Road kill. Missing a rear leg’
‘Shit’
‘I saw a cow like that once, rotting in Siem Reap’ Carlos said from the very back of the bike, ‘you weren’t
there, Max, I’d taken her out for a ride on my own’
‘Oh ok’
‘And there was a man standing before it with a Kalashnikov. Not even in any sort of uniform just dressed
in poor civilian clothes like some farm worker or something, with a Kalashnikov slung over one of his
shoulders. I stopped and asked him for a photo, thinking that it’d make for a good shot before the cow
and all, but he shook his head’
‘That’s too bad, I would’ve liked to have seen it’
‘Yeah that sounds like a good shot’ Kat added.
‘Yeah well, such is life…’ Carlos replied.
I drove on and after awhile Kat said, ‘…so the two birds, at these fights, they fight each other to the
death, right?’
‘Well, there are several rounds, right?’ I replied, ‘and, well yeah, I suppose, ultimately one of the birds
won’t get up from the dirt’
‘Oh.
Ok, so and one of the birds has red tags around his ankles and the other has blue?’
‘Yeah, that’s correct, yes’
‘And then you can be like, ‘can I have 5 dollars on the blue one’
‘Sure if you speak Khymer. Either that or mime it. Lot of pointing and waving bills about’
‘Ok.
And how do they know which bird has won the round?’
‘You just know… I suppose, one bird looks more beat than the other’
‘Ok.
…And so then they just fight in the small little ring with the leering faces around them, peering down
from all angles, until, one can’t any more’
‘Something like that, I guess, yeah’
‘…I must say I am feeling a bit funny about all this’ Kat said.
‘You eat chicken?’ I replied.
‘Yeah, well, I’ve been known to’
‘Ok so this is no different to that. Just this you see, that you do’
‘Yes but, no, c’mon, it’s different, killing for sustenance, survival, that’s one thing, but to kill for
entertainment just, doesn’t feel, entirely right somehow’
‘Well…’
‘But then again I do love Hemingway and Picasso too now that you mention it, and their stirring
representations of the bullfights, so…’ ‘
‘Mm’
‘And I suppose, like you said, the fight would take place either way, if we were to go there or not’
‘Yeah, well, we’re almost there by now anyhow…
…Just think of it as the South East Asian equivalent of a bullfight. Stay for a bit and if it’s too much for
you we can leave ok?’
‘Ok’
I looked at the road and the pretty green landscape going by.
Suddenly a large truck driving right in the middle of the road zoomed towards me, and I swerved to the
right as quickly as I could so as to avoid a collision. The driver was driving so fast that he’d bought up a
big cloud of dust over the dirty road, which was unpressed in several places. I put down the foot break

to slow my bike right down and after the driver had passed I turned and yelled out to him, ‘Fucking
asshole! Learn how to drive you fuck!’
I continued on a little over the cloudy road and saw an elderly crippled Cambodian man in a metal
pushcart, who was missing one of his feet. I caught the chap’s eye for a moment and he looked back at
me without smiling.
As we continued on I said, ‘I’m sorry but, that guy was driving like an asshole, he could’ve killed us’
‘I know, he was…’
‘Yeah. I just… Ugh’
A shortwhile later as we came upon a small concrete roadside restaurant I said to the others, ‘are you
guys hungry? You want to pull over here? Get something to eat, something cool to drink?’
‘Ok’ Kat replied and I pulled up in front of the place.
Inside the restaurant we sat on some wooden chairs around a wooden table and ordered three bowls of
pho from the middle aged woman inside.
Carlos got up and said, ‘I’m going to the toilet’ then walked off.
‘One of my fingers nails is uneven’ I said to Kat then placed the offending nail inbetween my teeth for a
moment, chewing it softly a few times without biting it short, ‘and I got wax in my left ear and its really
pissing me off and…’ I sighed.
‘Are you ok?’
‘I’m fine I just…
You’re looking very beautiful’
‘Thanks’
‘No, I mean that’
‘I know you do’
‘Mm.
…So, any brothers or sisters…?’
‘Only child…
…How about you, any brothers or sisters?’
‘I have a sister’
‘Older or younger?’
‘Older’
‘How’s that?’
‘I don’t know, we don’t talk so much’
‘Oh?’
‘…It’s a long story, just, some holes have no bottoms to them right? You can just, try to think your way
to the bottom of something, but perhaps there is no bottom to it, so you just keep thinking your way
further and further down and what you really want to do is perhaps just let in some light—change the
scenary around and let it alone if you can’
‘Yeah’
I looked back at Carlos, who was then smoking a cigarette on his own towards the back of the
restaurant.
‘Carlos is smoking on his own…’ I said.
‘Yeah’
‘I…’

‘Carlos, come smoke with us!’ Kat called out to him.
He came over and rejoined us at the table and we all sat in silence for a bit.
And after however long our pho came out, and midway thru it I said to Kat, ‘ok so, Kat, if you could… Be
abducted by aliens, or be walking thru the woods late one night and find this coven of witches, deep
within the forest all with black cloaks and hats on around a fire with a cauldron over it and they’d initiate
you into their gang and take you out flying with them and whatnot, which would you choose?’
‘The witches’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah, the witches.
When I was a kid I used to be obsessed with witches. For my fifth birthday my mother made me a cake
in the shape of a witches’ head’
‘That’s amazing’
‘Yeah’
After our pho, we smoked some more cigarettes, then got back on the road.
‘Is it much further to the cockfight?’ Kat asked me as I drove.
‘We want to head to a village called Nam Song’ I replied, ‘Look out for the little concrete sign posts on
the road side, it shouldn’t me much further now, I shouldn’t think’
‘Ok’
For a shortwhile there were some cows on the road and I slowly drove behind a small calf who seemed
to be running as fast as she could before my bike, until she eventually came back to the other group of
cows.
I laughed slightly at this and Kat said, ‘She made it’
‘Yeah’
‘I love small cows, calves, they’re so damn cute’
‘Yeah’
Occassionally smiling young girls would turn their heads to look at us as we drove by.
‘I love this’ Kat said as I drove on, ‘just the little stacks of wood beside the road, the waving children,
them turning back to look at us as we pass’
‘Yeah’
‘I feel like I could just keep on riding on this road forever and we’d end up in like Narnia or something’
‘Yeah, that’s sweet’
‘And the cut piles of wood, just like, firewood, it’s such damn simple honest labour. Cut the wood, burn
it, keep warm’
‘Yeah’
‘And you can cook things over it. It’s just such simple honest labour’
‘Yeah’
Awhile later as we passed this road side cave amongst some greenery I idly said to myself, ‘cave’
‘Cave’ Kat replied, ostensibly having noticed it too.

Nam Song proved to be further than I’d been expecting, and awhile later as we continued on for it, I hit
a pot hole rather hard and with the weight of all three of us on the bike, I guess we must’ve gotten a

puncture as I soon noticed our front tyre was getting rather flat. ‘Wait can you guys get off?’ I said to the
others as I pulled over to the side of the road, ‘I think we’ve got a flat, at the front. Hold on’
I stopped the bike and Carlos and Kat got off.
‘Alright, so yeah, definitely flat’ I said as I looked over at the low front tyre, ‘so how about this? I
continue on up the road, look for a garage and you two try hitching up the road and keep an eye out for
me or any garages’
‘How will we know if it’s a garage?’ Kat asked.
‘They’ll have like a tyre hanging out the front, and I’ll be standing before it. Carlos’ll know, don’t worry’
‘Ok’
‘Alright, so yeah, are you guys cool to do that?’
‘It’s fine’ Carlos replied.
‘Alright, well, fingers crossed’ I held up two crossed fingered, ‘and yeah, hope there’s one not too far
away and it all smooths over fine’
‘Yeah’
‘Alright, god bless, see you guys soon’
I kicked started the bike again and continued slowly on up the road with the then totally flat front tyre
flapping away beneath me.
‘Shit’ I muttered to myself, ‘god damn’
Fortunately about 20 minutes up the road or so I ran into a small little road side bike repair shop. And I
took the bike in there, and while the two young chaps in there were replacing the flat, I went and stood
out on the road and smoked a cigarette. Midway thru it a pickup truck pulled over and Kat and Carlos
got out of the back of it.
‘Shit, you guys got here fast, the bike’s almost done’ I said to the pair.
‘Eh’ Kat replied with a shrug.
‘That would not have happened that fast if you weren’t a gorgeous girl’
‘We were actually quite naughty’ Kat replied with a slight laugh.
‘Oh? Do tell’
‘Ok so well, Carlos pretended to be urinating in some bushes, while I thumbed us a lift. And pretty much
as soon as one of these chaps pulled over, Carlos came back over and told him if how he’d been
urinating, thru some mime and asked to come too’
‘Oh. Ok’
‘And the rest, as they say, is history’
‘Yep’
We all smoked as we watched the two Cambodian youths from the garage working on replacing the
front inner tyre.
‘So honestly, now, do you think it’s much further to Nam Song?’ Kat asked me as we all stood there
waiting.
‘I shouldn’t think so, no’ I replied.
‘What are you basing this off?’
‘Women’s intuition’
‘…You’re not even a woman’
‘No, I guess not’
‘You’re stupid’
‘No, you’re stupid’
‘…Oh my… And would you look at those two boys…’

‘Huh?’
‘They’re something…’
‘Mmm’
‘I wish they were working me over rather than the bike’
‘…You’re not all sexed out by now?’
Kat shrugged. And I flicked my cigarette away.
The front tyre was patched, and the repairs and patch all up only cost us the equivilent of 50 American
cents. We then all continued on for Nam Song, with myself driving again.
And it started to lightly rain out on the way there.
And after a little while Kat said, ‘I love the smell of rain. Especially over gravel’
‘Mm’ I replied.
Once in Nam Song we had to stop to ask for directions to where the cock fight was taking place,
speaking no Khymer this took some miming and sketching in my pocket book but eventually we made it
there, and parked the bike inside the small dirt parking lot before the grounds.
Shortly before us we came to a large round dirt-floored ring. There was an about waist high concrete
wall surrounding the, then empty ring, and it was leaning in and smooth at the top, and there was
another ring of two tiered concrete benches a shortway out from the dirt-ring, and some fellows were
sitting on the benches here and there. And nearly all of the people on the grounds seemed to be boys
and men. As we walked about I also noticed several roosters penned beneath both wicker and wire
domed enclosures here and there. I could hear a lot of sqwuaking and a lot of talking in Khymer and a lot
of people were looking at us, and some of them were smiling.
As the three of us walked around the grounds I noticed two bulldogs on chains. Both dogs seemed to be
rather friendly and we all gently approached one and sat down in the dirt and started patting her.
A shortway before us a hen walked around in the dirt with several small fluffy chicks following her
closely, tho often stopping to peck about in the dirt.
‘It’s so fucking gorgeously seedy, I love it’ Kat said to the others and I as we sat with the bulldog.
‘Yeah’ I replied.
There was a small concrete restaurant before us, which seemed to have a cooler to it, and I said to the
others, ‘I think I’m going to go grab a beer would either of you care for one?’
‘Yes please’ Kat said.
‘Please’ Carlos added.
‘Ok, I’ll be back’
The lady at the restaurant was young and rather beautiful but she did not smile at me at all as I bought
the cans of beer and paid for them. And I then returned to the others with them. And they were still
playing with the bulldog. I drank a little from my beer and approached a Cambodian gentleman and said
to him, ‘do you speak any English sir?’
He shook his head at me, so I then walked up to another group of fellows and said to them, ‘do any of
you gentleman happen to speak any English?’
‘I do’ one of the fellows replied, ‘little’
‘I was just wondering when is the first fight?’
’10, 10 minutes or so’
‘Oh, ok, very good. Thanks’ I shook the hand of the fellow who’d told me this, then walked off.
There were some concrete enclosures behind the dirt ring with crouched men inside, washing their birds
ankles and talons with what looked like near boiling hot water, coming from some iron pans heated over
coals. And other men were cleaning their birds feathers with wet sponges.

I walked back to the others who were then petting the second pitbull, which was chained up outside of
the restaurant.
‘He’s a beautiful dog’ Kat said to me as she looked up at me.
I looked down at her and the dog. ‘He is’ I replied.
‘You’re a beautiful boy, you’re a beautiful boy, aren’t you?’ Kat said to the dog as she stroked him.
‘When is the first fight?’ Carlos asked me.
’10 minutes’
‘I hear them saying farang a lot’ Kat then told me, ‘I think they’re talking about us’
‘Mm’
Soon the first fight began and the three of us went and sat around the ring to watch it. Just as in other
fights I’d seen one of the birds had red tags around his ankles while the other had blue. And the blue-
tagged bird was slightly large than the red one.
The fighting became brutal very fast and men all around us were shouting passionately in Khymer. Very
early on in the fight the red bird took a severe cut to his chest which seemed to have sliced it right open,
tho little to no blood came out.
I watched as both birds crouched before each other, tired with their cockles up, bobbing their heads up
and down a little.
‘Red is more injured’ I said to Carlos, ‘I am going for him, he’s the under dog’
‘Yes, red is more injured but blue is more aggressive’ he replied.
‘Oh poor birds, what they must be going thru’ Kat said.
‘Have you ever fought another person, man? It’s the same as that’ I replied.
‘The red one’s tired’ Carlos said.
‘They’re both tired’ I replied.
‘The blue one’s more strong. I’m going for him’ Kat said.
‘The blue one is more strong, but the red one is more aggressive’ Carlos put in.
I watched as the red tagged bird ran from the blue one.
‘Yeah, you run you fucking loser’ Carlos said.
‘He doesn’t want to die’ I replied.
‘My blood is boiling. Fuck, I remember this feeling’
As the red underdog got up from where his opponent had pinned him to the ground and pinned him
back for a moment, I shouted out, ‘yeah!’ as I violently punched the air.
‘…I like the red’ I said to the others, ‘he’s an underdog he’s more injured’
‘Dogs, men are better. This is not the same’ Carlos said.
‘Carlos has a dirty little habbit for dog fighting’ I told Kat, ‘it’s the latino in him.
…Besides, this is good fighting, man, this is good noble fighting. I don’t care what you say’
We all continued to watch the fight.
‘Blue doesn’t care about life’ Carlos said, ‘he fights better. Red ran twice’
‘Wouldn’t you?’ Kat replied
‘You have seen me shirtless, you have seen my body— you know I didn’t run’
I rolled my eyes at this.
Still looking at the fight Carlos then said, ‘C’mon! Fuck you’
After awhile as we continued to watch the fight Carlos said, ‘The blue one, inside he has the spirit, he is
the real fighter, he really doesn’t care about life and that is what is important for a fighter.
Fuck, I love him’

‘I love the red one’ I replied, ‘I love them both’ 
‘Fuck... 
…The red one, he is shit’  
‘He’s a good bird. He’s a good fighter so don’t call him shit, ok?’ 
We continued to watch the fight. ‘Yes, you know in the Philippines it’s the same fighting but they put—’
‘Please don’t tell me about that, ok?’ Kat interjected.
Eventually the blue bird won the first round and the red was taken away to rest.
I clapped after the fight, tho was the only one to do so.
‘I told you that he would win’ Carlos then told me. 
I went to a bookie seated at the ring and put 30 dollars on the blue bird for the second round.
The red bird was soon returned to the ring. And I watched as both birds looked at each other again with
their cockles up and their heads bopping up and down again without fighting and midway thru this the
red bird excreted a little onto the dirt. As well as his chest his right haunch had also been sliced open by
then.
Carlos laughed as he watched the birds like this, then said, ‘C’mon fight’
The birds resumed their fighting and as we watched, Carlos said, ‘the red bird, he has something of a
strategy to him’
‘Mm’
‘I think he may win this round. He is smaller than the other bird. And with all fighting, men, dogs, birds,
the bigger usually loses as he tires easier’
‘Don’t say that, I just put thirty fucking dollars on the blue’
‘I’m sure blue will win’ Kat said.
‘Thank you dear’
I continued to watch the fight. ‘C’mon fuckin’ bitch’ I caught Carlos say. I glanced over at him to see he
was making a fist with one of his hands as he looked intently on at the fight.
‘Perhaps in a next life I might get reincarnated as a bird so as to punish me for this’ I thought to myself,
‘that is if there is such a thing as next lives and it’s not all just a random haphazard mess’
All around me I could still hear men shouting passionately in Khymer.
‘It’s not hard to imagine men sitting around watching other men fight one another like this at a time’ I
thought to myself, ‘jeering at them from the ring. Hell people still come out to see public executions,
hangings, seats before the chair.
Ah well... Tremendous good in man too, if you can see it with the right eyes.
You come into this world as a child, wanting to play and chase and hug a teddy bear, and slowly your
mind gets filled up with more and more ideas, but that little boy or girl in all of us I think a fellow would
be wise not to lose too much sight of…’
And I looked more at the birds.
‘The great caprice of fortune…’ I thought to myself, ‘Granting some palaces and others alleyways to
sleep in… What has seperating me from being on the inside of that ring? Pissant chance and luck, I
supose.
…And you can’t even leave until one of these birds is dead, or at least beat anyhow, or else you’d be
throwing a thirty dollar bet away.
Well, fuck it. One of these birds is going to die whether you stick around to see it or not.

And the fuckers very well might fight each other like this in the wild anyhow, even if all these chaps
weren’t here.
…But, well yeah, sooner or later one of these birds is not going to get up from the dust. And will it be
this round, or a later one…?’
‘It’s the same as last time, the red one is more strong, tho the blue one is more crazy’ Carlos said to me.
‘Yeah well, they’re the same two birds what would you expect?’ I replied as I continued to watch the
fight.
‘C’mon you fuckin’ clown!’ Carlos said of one of the birds.
Some bright lights suddenly went on over the dirt ring and I watched as it back lit some smoke Carlos
blew into the air from a cigarette he was then smoking.
‘It’s a 50-50 y’know at this point?’ he turned and said to me.
I didn’t respond anything to this.
The birds chased each other some more and I watched as the blue dived the red one down.
‘Yeah the blue will win, the red is more strong but he too is more scared’ Carlos said to me.
‘Mm’
Eventually the birds were seperated and it was decided that the blue one had won the second round.
‘Buddy, you won’ Carlos told me turning and slapping my chest a little.
‘Mm’ I replied.
I went to the bookie and he handed me back 60 dollars worth of Cambodian Riel.
I went back to the others and waved my winnings at them then at a Cambodian fellow beside them and
he gave me the thumbs up sign.
‘Will you stay for another round?’ Carlos asked me, ‘I think I should like to place a bet this time too’
‘I’m out bud, man. You can do whatever the hell you want, but I’m getting the hell out of here’
I got up and went to the restaurant and ordered myself another beer and a skewer with some chicken
on it, and as I stood there eating the skewer a little brown moth landed on my shirt for a moment before
flapping away.
I noticed Carlos and Kat patting the female dog on the chain before the restaurant and I went over to
them and gave the dog the last of my skewer, stroked her a little, then got up and said to her, ‘See ya
princess…’
I looked at the hen with all the chicks around her pecking in the dirt in the distance some more, then
said to the others, ‘Well, I’m leaving if you guys want to come…’
The others got up from the dirt and Kat patted her clothes down then said, ‘I’m covered in dirt. I’m so
fucking dirty, y’know?’
‘Well, it goes with the business right?’
‘But it was a good experience’ Carlos said.
‘I should think so, yes’
‘If that had been a fight in the Philipines they would’ve both had razors on them; one, two blows, like
something out of a Kurosawa- all over’
‘How about that?’
‘Have you ever been in a fight before?’ Kat then asked me as she looked at me.
‘Yes, a few—I, well, I’m not a fighter. Someone dry-gulched me once, knocked me from my chair.
Some little switch went off in me and all reason, all empathy, all manly traits just went off; and I just
pounced on him and began striking him over and over as hard as I could as he covered up his face. It
was, something like, making love. Some serum was pumping thru my veins’
‘And what was all that about?’

‘…I don’t know drama. Bad drama. A girl perhaps, something, I don’t know’
‘Was Carlos there?’
‘No, Carlos wasn’t there for that one, little before I met him, but, he heard about it after’
I sat back down on our bike and looking back at the seat behind me said to Kat, ‘anyway, get on’ she did
so and Carlos then did there after.
As we made our way out of the town I saw a young western man riding on a motor scooter with what
looked like a local transvestite seated on the back, ‘yeah have fun with your ladyboy you fucking
fagget…’ I muttered under my breath.
A shortwhile later as I drove on Kat said to me, ‘I’m not quite too sure about all that’
‘What’s that?’
‘The fight’
‘Oh?’
‘I’m not sure if it was right’
‘What are you 12?’
‘No, but I mean, why subject them to that?’
‘Why not? You can bet on it. It’s amusing. Why do anything?’
‘Mm’
As we rode on I saw many chickens, chicks, dogs, hogs, horses and children on the side of the road. After
awhile the light began to fade as we rode.
Back at the hotel, Carlos went out to see a man and he managed to find some more opium for us.
After smoking it we all sat around in the lounge room of the suite, and drank some of the whiskey, from
Mr. Yang Cheng, and I half-listened as Kat told of a recent psychedalic experience she’d had,
‘…I just kept saying to myself, ‘Kat, you’ve got to stay calm and rational; this seems to be a rather strong
hallucinogen you’ve ingested into your body, that’s all…
…tho I felt rather strongly like death was upon me once again and I was coming to see her then as some
friend, some mother-like figure awaiting us all in the hearafter…
There was a little of lost love in her maybe a little of…’
I was rather high myself and I tuned out of what she was saying for a spell.
‘…and so I said to her’ I caught Carlos say, ‘you strike me as a young woman who’d quite enjoy a good
dicking’
‘Oh my god, you actually said that? And what’d she say to that?’ Kat replied to this.
‘Guys, it’s late’ I said getting up from the chaise lounge I’d been laying on, ‘it’s been a long day, I’m quite
tight and woozy and I think I might turn in’
‘Ok, well night Max’ Carlos said.
‘Night Maxwell my darling’ Kat added.
‘Mm yeah, night guys. I’ll see you in the morning’
I went back into my room with the queensized bed in it, took my blazer off and put it on a hanger inside
the closet. I sat down on the edge of the bed, took my shoes off, then laid down on the bed fully
clothed.
…I was falling down a deep hole and I landed safetly in some water in an underwater cavern.

I woke up to someone screaming. And I soon realized that it was the sounds of Kat and Carlos making
love in their room. Then they were talking in the living room and I went out and joined them, and Carlos
was just in his slacks, and Kat was completely bare.
‘Guys, do you mind?’ I asked them.
‘No’ Carlos said.
‘No, join us, join us…’ Kat replied dreamily.
We smoked some more opium and I started to work on a painting of the pair. A bottle of wine was
passed around between us.
‘So is Carlos your serious lover now?’ I asked Kat.
‘One of them. I’m in love with at least 2 other boys right now. I’ve been giving out little docket numbers’
‘Can I be the fourth?’
‘No!’ she said with a slight laugh.
‘Fair enough’
I continued to work on the painting. After awile Kat came over and look at my half-finished rather
distorted painting of the pair. ‘Ok this needs to go down’ she said of it, ‘because I do not like the look of
it at all’ Kat then took the painting down off the easel and put it face down on the rug before us.
‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ I asked her, ‘That’s a wet oil painting, you can’t do that’
‘Oh lay off Max, you’re being a bore’ Carlos said. I looked down at the ground and noticed that whilst
leaning forward Kat had also squeezed out most of my yellow tube of oil paint that I’d neglected to put
the cap back on.
‘Ah are you fucking kidding me?’ I said, ‘god damnit man, I don’t even know where to buy that in this
part of the world. And yellow’s a fucking primary colour. God damn it’
‘Oh Max, c’mon you leave your paints lying around with the lids off them what do you expect to
happen?’
‘Ah fuck this’ I muttered to myself, ‘I need to go for a walk’
As I left the appartment I muttered to myself, ‘why did I even bother to try to become a god damn artist
in the fucking first place. Fuck’
On my walk thru an overgrown path not far from the hotel I saw what looked like a shell casing of some
ordinance or another half buried in some dry dirt and without putting much thought into it I kicked it as
hard as I could, but it did not go off.
When I got back to the suite later that evening Carlos and Kat were asleep in their room and I turned in
soon after.
The following morning I could not find Kat nor Carlos anywhere in the suite. The bike was not parked
outside either. Carlos and I had rented the suite for a few more days. And the pair did not return over
any of those days, and when the rent ran out on the suite, I caught a bus back up to Phonm Phenhm
from where I booked a ticket back to Paris.